you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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