i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
