The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
