Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
