one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
