Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
