My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
