he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
