A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
