are you still at the devil's house?
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
