i can't believe i had my finger in that
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
