i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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