pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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