remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
