Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
