Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize