Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
