i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
