i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
