i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
