Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
