Taylor Swift is so right about you.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
