'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
