Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
