Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
