The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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