so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
