I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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