Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
