I cannot find my penis.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
