so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
