I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
