What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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