$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
