I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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