My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
