It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
