I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
