He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
