i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We need to get me chipped asap
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
