Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Life without a bra equals bliss.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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