should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
