He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize