Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
