I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
