i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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