I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
