Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
