I'm going to jail i love you
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it glows. i had to have it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
