I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
