as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
