Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
