It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
