Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
