Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
