I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
