i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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