you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
wanna go halves on a baby?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
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