his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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