I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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