I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You ruined the universe
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
