I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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