DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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