Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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