Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
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