he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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