I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
