please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
