East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
