So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
