My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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