WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
