I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
