i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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