i jhust puked up my retainher.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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