hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
