Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
