Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
