Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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