I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
