Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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