omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
