That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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