What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We need to get me chipped asap
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize