I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
