I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
