even my farts smell like vagina
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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